The stigma around second marriage is real. Probably this stigma is the reason why second marriages seem difficult. But yes, there is no doubt that when you already have had a bad experience, stepping into something similar can be a little triggering at times. However, this should not stop you from going for something you believe you want in life. One bad experience should not stop you from experiencing something good, something you probably imagined.
Your fear is valid but if it is coming in your way of the future you expect, you need to keep it in check. Here are a few things that you can do to make sure you have a successful second marriage.
Honestly Talk About Your First Marriage
First things first, be honest about the marriage you had. Everything that you loved about it, how and when things went wrong, and what helped you decide that you deserved better.
You have to be honest. There will be points where you know you were wrong, it’s not like it was always your partner, there will be situations where your partner may have tried to save the relationship. Tell your new partner honestly about all the situations, good or bad instead of just bad mouthing. This is the first step where you let them know that you are mature enough to accept your mistakes and work on them as well.
Give the Relationship Some Time
Don’t go directly for marriage again. Spend some time together to at least know each other better. Take your time, talk to them, get to know their behavior and reactions, their choices and opinions. Knowing their likes and dislikes is not enough. You need to know what kind of a person they are, in every situation. They may tell or show you that they are calm but later you may find that the opposite is true. So it is better to invest considerable time in the relationship before committing to marriage. There is a lot that can be done. Instead of going out on dates, try spending more time in. this way you will know how they are when nobody’s watching. Play games together, as a team and even compete with each other. This will tell you if your person snaps under pressure and how they deal with problems as a team. You can try these New Minecraft Servers on one such date.
Straightaway Tell Them What You Expect
Let them know what you expect from the relationship. They deserve to know your future plans that involve and can affect them and their future as well. Not just that, even in very minute situations, let them know what you expect or want from them in a direct, clear, and positive manner. Instead of being negative and telling them that they don’t do anything for you, simply mention what you expected they would do or even better tell them this is what you believe they should be doing in certain cases. When they know what you expect or want, it will be easier for them to behave that way. No it is not spoon feeding, it is just working as a team in a relationship.
Acknowledge Their Emotions and Fears
Stepping into a second marriage with an experience that was most definitely not good is stressful for the both of you. There are certain fears, emotions, experiences, traumas, and expectations involved. Even if it is not their second marriage, there may be something that they are scared of as well. Maybe it’s the pressure to prove that they are right for you in every way possible. Because you have had a bad experience, they want to make sure that you feel appreciated and loved in this relationship and this can trigger a fear of what if they aren’t good for you. And if it is their second marriage, consider more fears involved. You need to understand them better and acknowledge their emotions at every point as well.
Self Love Is Extremely Important
Coming out of a marriage is definitely not easy. It may have affected your self esteem and made you feel like you don’t deserve love or anything better than you expected. A lot of people end up feeling this way. Gaslighting, breadcrumbing, constant taunting, whatever you may have experienced in your marriage is enough to raise self doubt. You need to understand that you deserve the best. Everyone deserves the best. And before stepping into another relationship you need to first improve your relationship with yourself. Who knows, maybe your last partner was able to hurt you because you felt you deserved hurt and you didn’t stand up for yourself. This is how your own support for yourself is important and should be your first priority. No other person can make you feel loved until you love yourself.